The Mind- My Own Personal Idea Factory

Woman often tell themselves that they need to keep some secrets from their men. Well, the inverse is true as well. There are certain things that your woman should never find out about you. For instance, she doesn't need to know about the hot girl who works at your office, and you don't want her to know that you cried for a week after your ex dumped you flat.

After all, you always need to maintain some leverage in your relationship. And as soon as your lady has all the goods on you, the power distribution will have shifted dramatically. Furthermore, keeping some information to yourself might help keep her honest, and it saves you from the risk of public embarrassment.

Here are the top 10 things your gal should never know about you. Keep this valuable info to yourself, but remember this: If your woman can potentially find out about any of the following from another source, you might as well give it up right now. If she discovers any of your little secrets by means of an alternate party, you'll have to deal with her crap over both the information in question and the fact that you tried to cover it up.



NUMBER 10 - YOUR CONQUEST COUNT

Look, you know how many chicks you've bagged and it's probable that some of your friends do, too. But that's where this circle of info should close. It's not necessary to give your current lover a running tally of conquests. Sure, you both want to be safe when it comes to sex. And I encourage you to get yourself tested to prove to both her and yourself that you're clean (of course, she should do the same). But there's no need to divulge numbers -- doing so will upset her and put you at risk of spending the night alone.


NUMBER 9 - YOUR INCOME

As a relationship progresses, it is natural that a couple come to grow familiar with each other's finances. But in the early stages of dating, there is a very sound and reasonable argument for playing your personal monetary value close to the vest. Two words: gold diggers. You could have the bank account of Donald Trump or the debts of Mike Tyson; either way, she shouldn't know. Let her dig you for you first. Then, if you're flush, you can buy her the stuff she likes and such. And if you're broke, she'll either ditch you because you don't buy her stuff, or she'll prove that she's of a worthy character by sticking with you. So keep your Benjamins to yourself.


NUMBER 8 - THE LOCATION OF YOUR PORN STASH

Guys like porn. A lot of chicks do, too. There's no sense, however, in mixing up your fantasy world with the real one. As soon as your lady gets wind that you have a porn stash, there's a good chance that she'll be crying about how she has to compete with Jenna Jameson whenever she sleeps with you. And man, you do not need that kind of stress every time you want to get it on. Worse yet, she could get all crazy and throw out your collection when you aren't looking. Protect your porn, and keep it under wraps.


NUMBER 7 - YOUR WEAKNESSES

Maybe you cry during insurance commercials, or maybe you aren't really as self-confident as you make yourself out to be in public. These frailties don't matter -- as long as she never finds out about them. If she does, she'll start making all sorts of "cute" jokes at your expense. Or the revelation that her man isn't quite the man that she thought he was will put her off of you entirely. Be strong and keep your weaknesses undercover.


NUMBER 6 - YOUR STRIP CLUB EXPERIENCES

Do you like going to peeler bar? Enjoy watching the ladies dance around erotically for your pleasure? Want to maintain the strip club as an open option for an evening's entertainment? Then do not tell your woman that you go there. Don't even concede that you used to go regularly. She'll want to know why you like it, and how much you spend on "tips" for the girls. Even those women who claim to have no problems with strip clubs will somehow twist this habit of yours to their advantage. Simply put, this is a conversational road you do not want to go down.


NUMBER 5 - YOUR WEIRDER FANTASIES

Certain fantasies should be shared and enjoyed together. But you may be into freaky stuff that she just wouldn't understand. Maybe your sexual fantasies involve garden tools or shellfish, and you're just not sure if your lady will appreciate them. Well, there's a good chance that she won't. There are certain daydreams that you and your imagination should take care of on your own, and that you shouldn't divulge to your lady. Once she knows what dark thoughts are running through your head, she may head for the door faster than you can say "gimp."


NUMBER 4 - YOUR MASTURBATION FREQUENCY

Women know that guys masturbate. It's a fact of life. But your woman doesn't need to know the frequency, duration and tools that you use to get off -- it might just pique her curiosity. A guy wants to be alone when he's playing with himself, and you don't need her trying to sneak up on you when you're having some "personal time."


NUMBER 3 - YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND MEMORABILIA

You might have kept naked pictures of your exes. Maybe you've stashed away their love letters or their panties. Heck, you may have a whole database of their names and personal info printed up on an Excel spreadsheet. Whatever the case, never let your current squeeze find out about your memorabilia. Even if she's willing to leave the past in the past, you can bet that she won't balk at dropping their names as ammo in future fights. For example: "I see then. I guess Melissa would have never done that, would she?" Get the picture? Besides, these are your private memories -- your new girl just doesn't need to know.


NUMBER 2 - YOUR EMBARASSING MOMENTS

We've all had them. And I'm not just talking about light embarrassment, like farting in public or getting caught in a Freudian slip. I'm talking about severe, crippling embarrassment, on the scale of soiling the sheets or having an ex post an indecent picture of you online. If you've suffered this kind of Forbidden Topic humiliation, she should not get a whiff of it. The idea of it and the accompanying visual will surely blow your cool factor right out of the water, and leave your woman killing herself with laughter. It's not the best way to remain slick, and there's a good chance that she'll never look at you in the same light again. You've already lost your pride once over the incident; there's no need to relive the experience.


NUMBER 1 - YOUR CHEATING PAST

Maybe you were just a conniving player back in the day. Or you might have had complicated issues with an ex that drove you into the arms of another woman. No matter what the reasons, no matter how strong your determination is to mend your ways and get a clean start with someone new, your cheating past is something that you never want to reveal to your lady. She'll automatically think that you're looking to score behind her back every chance you get, and you'll never get a fair shake from her again

 

First of all...Fob's are immigrants a.k.a. Fresh off the boat. There are many kinds of fobs (i cant really take credit for this because i got this off a site. Namely urbandictionary, I added some in)

Twinkie
- Besides your nationality, there is little to distinguish you from white people
- Your significant other is not Asian and never has been
- You have few Asian friends, if any
- You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you
- You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist
- You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is
- You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is
- You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock

Asian-American
- You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you're whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere
- You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any
- You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word performances at your college
- You read A. magazine and think it's great
- You do not know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, or Kangta are
- You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below

Yap (Young Asian Professional)
- You are in one of these professions:
a) Medicine / Pharmaceutical
b) Engineering
c) Finance
d) Investment Banking
e) Accounting
- Most of your wardrobe was purchased at Banana Republic
- You go to "mixers" on Thursday nights to meet other Yaps and talk about the Dow Jones.
- You did exactly what your parents wanted you to do and as a result, your life is hella boring
- Your apartment/home is decorated almost exclusively with stuff from Pier 1
- Your parents always talk to their friends about how much money you make. If they don't, then you're a disappointment

Fob (Fresh Off tha Boat)
- You were not born in America
- You know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, and Kangta are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently
- You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends
- You do not have any non-Asian friends
- Your parents do not speak any English
- When you speak English, you like to make everything plural
- You get extremely good grades in school
- You cannot dance
- Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you're from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe

SuperFob
- Your command of the English language is minimal and you don't care
- You like dim sum chicken feet
- You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn't bootlegged
- Your only hangout is Chinatown
- All the lights in your house are fluorescent
- You dry your cloths outside your window
- You need a haircut
- You either smell like cigarettes or food

Fobabee
- You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently "awoken"
- You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys
- You have taken the Asian Studies course at college
- You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white (Twinkie ; Banana) or Black (Chigger ; Tea egg)
- If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous

Gangsta Fob (Fobsta)
- You have shot another Asian
- Your favorite hangout is a pool hall
- When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid
- Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you'll shoot them
- You have a serious gambling problem
- You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car
- No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you'll shoot them
- You want to have a Tab girlfriend, but can only get Hoochie Tabs

Tab (Trendy Asian B*tch)
- You shop at A/X, Bebe and Club Monaco
- You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to "mix it up"
- You do not weigh more than 105 lbs
- You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life
- Platform heels are your favorite
- You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless
- You do not smile in public
- You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it
- You smoke
- Your cell phone is completely customized
- On the inside flip of your cell phone is a sticker pic of you and your man
- Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item
- You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car
- You are often seen with Rice-boys
- You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend

Hoochie Tab
- You are an import car model
- Your boobs are not real
- There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere
- Stiletto heels are your favorite
- Your role models are Francine Dee and Kaila Yu
- Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob
- You cheat on your boyfriend
- Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school

Rice-Boy
- You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura
- Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it's original stock form
- Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in
- The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing
- The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing
- You always drive like you are racing someone
- You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps
- The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground
- Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit
- If you drive a Civic, your dream car is a Supra. If you drive a Supra, your dream car is a Skyline (which you can never have). Poor Rice-boy.

Fobulous
- You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language
- You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends
- You listen to Asian pop as well as American music
- You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture
- You are a good dancer
- You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race
- You are a good designer and have superior Html skills
- You have an Apt107 page AND an AA page and the guest books in both are packed
- For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being
- You have lots of Asian pride

Pob
- A Filipino fob.
- Words that start with F tend to be pronounced with a P. (Fuck you..Pobarized version: PUCK you)
- FUll accent